I don’t want to write a poem right now

I don’t want to write a poem right now

my brain is half asleep

and eyelids are taking their final bow…

Suddenly, my alarm goes BEEP

My brain is half asleep

though the sun is shining bright.

Suddenly, my alarm goes BEEP

Oh no! There’s still that poem to write.

Though the sun is shining bright

I have no concentration.

Oh no! There’s still that poem to write.

I need some inspiration.

I have no concentration

What should I write about?

I need some inspiration.

Writer’s block makes me want to shout!

What should I write about?

I give up. It’s no use.

Writer’s block makes me want to shout!

I’ll give my teacher a good excuse.

I give up. It’s no use.

Can’t think of what to say.

I’ll give my teacher a good excuse.

Oh well, it’s the only way.

Can’t think of what to say

to explain my situation

Oh well, it’s the only way,

I’ll write an explanation.

To explain my situation,

I’ll do the only thing I can.

I’ll write an explanation,

to make her understand.

I’ll do the only think I can

without making myself look silly,

to make her understand

that I did try, really.

Dear teacher,

I wish I could explain myself better,

but I hope you won’t take away a whole grade letter.

I chose the Pantoum form because the repetition and rhyme worked well with my theme. Even though the Pantoum doesn’t need to rhyme, mine does, because things like that seem to make a lot of poems lighter, and I wanted this to be a light, understandable poem that didn’t boggle people’s minds or frustrate them with abstractedness. Those types of poems are sometimes fun to write too, especially if I’m trying to gain an understanding of something complex, but that wasn’t what I wanted to do here. It would be hard to tell a story in chronological order in this form because of all the repeating lines, so that wasn’t my goal either. I had one main theme, so the lines I used could be flexible and put into different contexts as the poem moved from one stanza to the next. It was surprisingly difficult to find lines that could be taken out of context and put into a different one. By using this form, I hoped to convey the humorous side of the poem and make people smile, not delve into the depths of critical thinking. I also think poems that repeat and rhyme are often more memorable and less boring. The only rule I broke was putting the stanza that begins with “Dear teacher” at the very end of the poem. Strictly speaking, that doesn’t follow the correct form of the Pantoum. I did that just to emphasize that the poem was no longer me talking to myself, but me talking to someone else. It was meant to be sort of like a post script at the end of a letter.

Hope

Hope is the Thing with Feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

~Emily Dickinson (1861)

Phoenix Hope

Swirls of heat top feathery flame

of free flying bird never tamed.

Always there yet out of my reach,

because pain and patience you teach.

Wordless, tuneless song wakes the morn

And my trust in you is reborn.

Scattering sparks like sowing seeds

in the earth for those in need.

Soaring high as the wind unfolds,

yet you’re the only thing I hold.

Falling, searing, gasp of dying

desolation in me crying.

But up from your ashes you rise

to show that Hope never dies.

David Gessner Review

I’m interested in environmental issues, so I looked forward to hearing what Gessner had to say on his subject. Many environmentalists take a very serious approach, almost like they’re pleading to their audience to act out and change the world. But Gessner was humorous and had a fresh perspective on what an environmentalist actually was. Instead of asking us to transform into tree-huggers, he said that what was needed was “more hypocrites”. He admitted that no one in the world is a pure environmentalist. In other words, no one can claim to have zero energy waste or carbon footprint. But that shouldn’t stop people from trying to make a difference.

I also like how he said that the first step for everyone was to start with a small project, and the momentum that we gathered might carry us forward into something that had a larger influence. Asking people to jump up and change the world right away is daunting, and no one would know where to start.

He didn’t threaten anyone with the doom of the world, which has become the traditional approach lately. From a writing perspective, threats of “we’re all gonna die” don’t incite most people to action, they just discourage them. I liked his analogy of a spouse constantly saying “this marriage is all over! It’s hopeless!”

His comparison of humans to gannets made sense to me. No one can blame humans for wanting the best quality of life they can get. It’s our nature. The only problems arise when the resources we use to obtain that quality of life run out. I really liked the way he explained that. He wasn’t putting the blame on the squandering ways of humans for the environmental issues than need to be dealt with, he was just saying that what happened happened, and we will have to adapt. Because we are adaptable humans, we can do it, and we have a responsibility to do it.

I thought the intro to his book trailer was great. It wasn’t what I was expecting, and it made me laugh. He claimed that “he wasn’t normal”, but I think that’s a good thing. I don’t want to listen to normal people talk about normal things in a normal way. You have to have a healthy dose of weirdness and originality to interest people and get them to pay attention to what you want to say, and I think he had that.

One Destiny

In the future I see

dejavu.

A paradox of times,

not one true.

Monotony that is

always new.

The past is the future’s

melody,

they spiral together

crazily

Through the vortex only

One can see.

Still searching for the one

path to keep.

There it is take a chance,

skydive leap.

Forever comes and I

fall asleep.

Changing my "Now"

During the workshop this morning, I was told I had two different "Now"s in my narrative. I decided to write the last few paragraphs of the piece both ways to see which "Now" would work better.

Now #1

I want to go out of state for college to have an adventure. But after I’m there, I’ll probably see that life with you and the rest of our family was just as exciting. What would it be like, if you visit me at Penn State sometime? How will I have to save you? Will I scale the roof of Old Main? Jump in front of a moving bicycle? Hurtle over four foot bushes? Dive down an open manhole? Just the thought of all the possibilities thrill me.

This one was a lot shorter, because this was the only paragraph that directly contradicted my other "Now".

Now #2

Eight years later, you were still alive, and it was almost time for me to leave. I wanted to leave, I was so ready to leave, but at the same time I knew what I was leaving behind. Even so, I had no regrets. I tried to be the best sister I could in those short years, and I knew you’d forgive me for not being around for the rest of them.

Your blonde curls had darkened and grew in waves down your back. I wouldn’t have been able to put them into a fountain ponytail if I tried, and anyway you would never have let me. You no longer needed a 24 hour body guard to protect you from yourself, so I knew you’d be fine when I was gone.

It was your turn on the soccer field, running around on tiptoe with your jersey hanging down almost to your knees. Six goals in one game? That’s my girl.

Your favorite things to ask me were “Do you need help?” and “What should I do now?” Being the youngest meant you didn’t always have a playmate, since everyone was so busy most of the time.

“Tell me the stories about how you saved me when I was little,” you asked sometimes. When I did, you laughed. We both did.

I was amazed when I saw you dancing and singing along to popular songs like that was what you were born to do. You did actual moves that make sense, as opposed to a lot of people (including me) that just shuffled around and jerked their limbs as if they were on the verge of a seizure.

In the evenings, I watched you kiss your stuffed animals goodnight and arrange them on your bed so they were comfortable. You saw me watching and smiled bashfully. I looked away so you could finish.

Even though I knew there was no danger of you hurting yourself, I still worried about what would happen to you when I wasn’t there. I had to remind you to eat breakfast three times before you consented and nibbled a piece of fruit. Things like eating just didn’t occur to you, unless it involved treats or dessert.

“Bye, Coriana.”

“Bye, Chloella. I love you.” I don’t know why I called you that sometimes instead of “Chloelle”. Your name just seemed to flow out of my mouth like that. I bent down to give you a hug, and you were still small. But I still had to go.

“I love you too.”

But would you still after months pass and I haven’t come home? I couldn’t protect you, should you need protection. When you woke up coughing with sickness, I wouldn’t be there with a cup of water. If you fell off your bike, skinning your hands and knees, Connor would have to be the one to carry you home.

I wanted to go out of state for college to have an adventure. But now that I’m here, I see that life with you and the rest of our family was just as exciting. What would it be like, if you were with me at Penn State right now? How would I have to save you? Would I be scaling the roof Old Main? Jumping in front of a moving bicycle? Hurtling over four foot bushes? Diving down an open manhole? Just the thought of all the possibilities thrill me.

Somehow, I wonder if I’m the one who needs you to need me. You can do perfectly well on your own now, I’m sure. And that’s what scares me. If I don’t have to be around you, will you still want me there? If you don’t feel my absence when I’m gone, will it be easy for you to overlook me when I’m home? They say long distance relationships never last, but no one ever said anything about sisterships. I can only hope those are different.

I had to change a lot more, but I'm leaning toward this one.