Now #1
I want to go out of state for college to have an adventure. But after I’m there, I’ll probably see that life with you and the rest of our family was just as exciting. What would it be like, if you visit me at Penn State sometime? How will I have to save you? Will I scale the roof of Old Main? Jump in front of a moving bicycle? Hurtle over four foot bushes? Dive down an open manhole? Just the thought of all the possibilities thrill me.
This one was a lot shorter, because this was the only paragraph that directly contradicted my other "Now".Now #2
Eight years later, you were still alive, and it was almost time for me to leave. I wanted to leave, I was so ready to leave, but at the same time I knew what I was leaving behind. Even so, I had no regrets. I tried to be the best sister I could in those short years, and I knew you’d forgive me for not being around for the rest of them.
Your blonde curls had darkened and grew in waves down your back. I wouldn’t have been able to put them into a fountain ponytail if I tried, and anyway you would never have let me. You no longer needed a 24 hour body guard to protect you from yourself, so I knew you’d be fine when I was gone.
It was your turn on the soccer field, running around on tiptoe with your jersey hanging down almost to your knees. Six goals in one game? That’s my girl.
Your favorite things to ask me were “Do you need help?” and “What should I do now?” Being the youngest meant you didn’t always have a playmate, since everyone was so busy most of the time.
“Tell me the stories about how you saved me when I was little,” you asked sometimes. When I did, you laughed. We both did.
I was amazed when I saw you dancing and singing along to popular songs like that was what you were born to do. You did actual moves that make sense, as opposed to a lot of people (including me) that just shuffled around and jerked their limbs as if they were on the verge of a seizure.
In the evenings, I watched you kiss your stuffed animals goodnight and arrange them on your bed so they were comfortable. You saw me watching and smiled bashfully. I looked away so you could finish.
Even though I knew there was no danger of you hurting yourself, I still worried about what would happen to you when I wasn’t there. I had to remind you to eat breakfast three times before you consented and nibbled a piece of fruit. Things like eating just didn’t occur to you, unless it involved treats or dessert.
“Bye, Coriana.”
“Bye, Chloella. I love you.” I don’t know why I called you that sometimes instead of “Chloelle”. Your name just seemed to flow out of my mouth like that. I bent down to give you a hug, and you were still small. But I still had to go.
“I love you too.”
But would you still after months pass and I haven’t come home? I couldn’t protect you, should you need protection. When you woke up coughing with sickness, I wouldn’t be there with a cup of water. If you fell off your bike, skinning your hands and knees, Connor would have to be the one to carry you home.
I wanted to go out of state for college to have an adventure. But now that I’m here, I see that life with you and the rest of our family was just as exciting. What would it be like, if you were with me at Penn State right now? How would I have to save you? Would I be scaling the roof Old Main? Jumping in front of a moving bicycle? Hurtling over four foot bushes? Diving down an open manhole? Just the thought of all the possibilities thrill me.
Somehow, I wonder if I’m the one who needs you to need me. You can do perfectly well on your own now, I’m sure. And that’s what scares me. If I don’t have to be around you, will you still want me there? If you don’t feel my absence when I’m gone, will it be easy for you to overlook me when I’m home? They say long distance relationships never last, but no one ever said anything about sisterships. I can only hope those are different.
I had to change a lot more, but I'm leaning toward this one.
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